Truth be told, I've said it. 'I don't mind a woman breastfeeding in public, but she should cover up'. What changed my mind? Was is becoming a mother myself? Actually, it was a perfect storm of events that changed my view. The controversy over a woman's right to breastfeed in public captured my interest due to its civic nature. It wasn't until reading a comment by a mother who was clearly pro-breastfeeding that I changed my tune. The comment basically berated women who formula fed their babies and called into question their devotion to parenting and desire to give their children the best. I thought to myself "How dare that woman judge people she doesn't even know!? She probably never struggled with breastfeeding and isn't considering that not everyone can stay home with their babies to nurse them all day!" It turned me off completely to the 'lactavist cause', until I considered my own views on breastfeeding. I realized I had been judging mother's just as harshly for their decisions without really knowing why they'd made those decisions in the first place or why I felt the way I did. What was it about breastfeeding that made me so uncomfortable?
Shortly there after, I found out I was expecting my second child. I researched breastfeeding and found that not only is breast milk far superior to formula, there are also numerous resources for women who experience difficulties breastfeeding. Resources I knew nothing about when I was struggling to breastfeed my daughter 12 years ago. I was a single, working, young mother. The stigma for mothers like me, is that we are not as good as parents who are not young, not working and not single and its a tough one to fight. So when I struggled with breastfeeding, it became one more thing that I was not good enough to do. A couple of months in, I switched to formula. The pediatric nurses gave me dirty looks. The nurse at the WIC office gave me a dirty look. What no one gave me was advice. I took on the attitude that I hated breastfeeding. Who wants to be a walking buffet anyway? The sore, swollen, veiny breasts. The leaking and pumping. Forget it, not me. My baby was happier and I was happier, so to hell with the nurses and anyone else who had anything nasty to say to me. Right?
Looking back, I didn't hate breastfeeding. What I hated was the constant crying. I hated the woman that I worked with who constantly complained about how long and how often I was in the bathroom pumping. I hated pumping with my cheap K-Mart pump. I hated feeling like I had no idea what I was doing. How could I not have this figured out? I grew up around babies. I've known since I was 10 how to change a diaper. I babysat my brother and sister and cousins. Despite that fact, I don't ever remember seeing a woman nurse her baby. This never struck me as odd, until a very frank discussion about breastfeeding with an unexpected supporter. My boss is a man in his 60's. He is also, I'm convinced, enthralled with all things having to do with reproduction, from pregnancy, to child birth, to infancy. It's sort of charming really, his wide-eyed wonderment of it all. To him, there's nothing gross or sexual or inappropriate about any of it. He openly discusses his wife's pregnancies and the deliveries of his children and his daughter's struggles to breastfeed. Most employers would not even dare to utter the word 'breast' regardless of it's intended context. My boss however; shared with me how strange it is to see women bottle-feeding as this was not the common practice when he was a boy, growing up in the south. How can this be? Where women less modest in those days? Highly doubtful, looking at the bathing suit trends of the time, in comparison to the trends of today. So what happened? How did bottle feeding become the norm?
Science had been working on ways of creating breast milk substitutes since around the 1860's. During World War 2, women were joining the work force and by the 1950's, more than half the babies in the US were on some type of formula. Fortunately, the pendulum swings both ways. Since the 1970's, more women have been choosing breast over bottle. Sadly, the biggest obstacles they face are an uneducated public. Even mother's who breastfed can be heard saying things like 'I don't want my kids to see that!' Which begs the question, 'Why not?' Children are wonderfully curious little buggers aren't they? I suppose that the sight of a nursing mother might cause them to ask 'Mom, what is that lady doing?' If Mother's response is as simple as 'Feeding her baby,' I imagine that child might go through life thinking of breastfeeding as a natural, normal thing to do. If the Mother's response is that of shock and horror at 'the nerve of that woman showing her naked breast to the whole world', I suppose that child might go through life thinking of breasts as purely sexual organs. Which is a healthier view?
Some other 'interesting' comments:
"I don't need to see a woman whip her tit out."
There are numerous variations to this comment. 'My kids don't need to see...', '...boob...', '...milk-tits...', etc. Where did this notion that breastfeeding mothers are 'whipping' their their breasts about come from? I'm not even nursing yet and the thought of whipping my swollen, sore boob around is painful enough. The majority of the women that are nursing in public, simply adjust a couple articles of clothing in order to provide access for their babies.
"I have a teenage son with hormones who can't help but stare."
This is as valid as the 'I have PMS, so I'm not responsible for killing my husband' defense. The fact that a young man has hormonal drives does not mean a complete lack of control or of personal responsibility. Besides, my guess is your teenage son is masturbating to a Victoria Secret catalog, not an issue of Mothering.
"I don't want to see people peeing in public either."
No, no one appreciates seeing someone pee in public. In fact, its so unappreciated, its illegal. Breastfeeding however is not. While both are necessary bodily functions, the trouble with urinating in public is there's no receptacle. Typically, the urine is flowing onto a sign post or a tree. Breast milk has an intended destination and is not likely to even be seen by anyone else.
"It's a bodily fluid, what if it gets in my food?!"
At some point in time were nursing mother's walking around topless, singing a rendition of 'Do your boobs hang low?' and squirting onlookers in the eyes with breast milk? They're breasts, not squirt guns! Rest assured no one is going to waste a drop of such a valuable commodity to squirt you, your food or anything in your general vicinity.
"Feeding the baby isn't the part that is offensive, it's the display."
Again, where are these women with their lactating breasts swinging to and fro for all of the US to see? Certainly, we are proud of our breasts but not because of how they look but for what they can do. Typically, the breast that is on 'display' is not that of a lactating mother. The breast is more likely to belong to a woman with large implants or perhaps a shirt that is 2 sizes too small or a bikini top. Breasts are beautiful. I don't blame anyone for looking but if a peek is what you seek, flip through a magazine. Those women want you to look and there's no shortage so for those that are so inclined, there's no need to resort to desperate measures.
"What's wrong with covering up?"
This seems like such a simple request, how could we not oblige? Some infants are just fine covered up but once a baby reaches the age were swaddling is no longer comforting but constraining, there's simply no telling where those chubby little arms will swing. Some babies don't like to be covered up. Not to mention, if you saw a woman with a blanket over her and an infant, isn't that more obvious than if she is simply holding an infant? I actually had one toddler pull the blanket off. Not to be rude, she simply wanted to see the baby. She saw no more of me than she would've had she left the blanket on. Her curiosity satisfied, she went on about her business and worried very little about what was going on.
"Wouldn't you prefer to do that some place private, like the bathroom?"
There are a number of things I prefer to do in private, pooping and peeing being two of them. The bathroom is the perfect venue for these activities. It is not however; a place to breastfeed. It makes no more sense to nurse in a bathroom than it would to pee in a kitchen. That simply is not the intended function of that room. Likewise, I would never expect anyone else to eat their meal in the bathroom, why should I expect an infant to? Breastfeeding is something that I (personally) would prefer to do in private however; the AAP recommends that infants be exclusively breastfed for 6 months. Six months is a long time to stay home because you don't want to risk going out in public and have the baby wake up early and hungry.
"I don't feel sorry for anyone who is too lazy to pump. That's what I did."
I don't feel sorry for anyone who's never made if far enough out of their own mind to see that there is a whole big world out there with more people than just you in it. Pumping quite simply is not an option for every woman nor are bottles an option for every baby.
Don't get me wrong, I absolutely respect a person's right to their opinions and feelings. The sight of a woman nursing in public may simply make them uncomfortable for reasons they cannot articulate. It probably has more to do with the act being seen so little, than any of the reasons above. The fact still remains that, in most states, a woman has the right to breastfeed her infant in any place she and the child are otherwise authorized to be, irrespective of how much or how little of her breast maybe showing at the time. The importance of normalizing the practice has less to do with legality (since our rights are already protected) and more to do with supporting mothers who are trying to do the best they can for their babies. Mother's face a mountain of challenges. Balancing on a toilet seat in dirty public restroom with a baby in her arm and fussing with an nursing cover should not be one of them.
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| The most intimate view of me feeding Charlie and not a nipple in sight. |
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