My dog ate my flanges!

Time for a little humor.

If you follow my blog, know me personally or are friends with me via Facebook, then you are probably already familiar with our dog Lily the Destroyer. She is a very sweet looking, demon dog who eats everything. Underpants, Christmas ornaments, pacifiers, you name it- she has partially digested it. You may not be familiar with our other dog, Bruiser. Bruiser is a loving Min-Pin that we got back in 2005. He has a sweet disposition, loves everyone and really just needs a warm lap to snuggle in. Although he was notoriously hard to house break, he never chewed anything.

One very busy day about a month ago, I had set my pump up because I needed at least one more session to have enough milk to send with Charlie to the sitter the next day. Of course, life being what it is, I kept getting interrupted. Dinner time rolled around and I still hadn't sat down yet! We where eating out that particular evening so I left my stuff set up, we put Lily the Destroyer in her kennel (since she cannot be trusted) and headed out for some 1/2 priced burgers and beers. We returned fed and full and I walked up the stairs to get Charlie to bed and maybe finally, get a chance to pump. At the top of the stairs, to my horror, I saw my flanges mutilated on the the living room floor and my sweet Bruiser, curled up innocently on the back of the couch. "Bad dog!" I shouted. Ok, don't freak out, this is really not that bad because just the other day I bought new flanges and they were still in the bag. Upon entering my bedroom, I discovered the flanges where not the only pieces he'd chewed. Bruiser mangled the valves as well. I didn't have spare valves. I started to panic. Who sells pump parts and accessories and is open at 8 o'clock at night? Nowhere in my little hamlet, that is for sure. So I loaded the baby back up in the car and drove to Target. Thank heavens for Target.

Here's the lesson folks: Always keep spare pump parts on hand and remember that even the most well behaved pet cannot resist the sweet smell of 'Liquid Gold'!

The F Word

Before the whirlwind of the previous week, Charlie had been sick for about 2 weeks and I'd been battling seasonal allergies. Charlie went with Dad to see our family doctor for a regular check up and my little guy, who'd been gaining weight so well, had lost nearly a pound. We were supposed to take him back in 1 week to have his weight checked but the day I planned to take him in, we were driving across South Dakota. I took him in when we returned and while he'd gained weight, it was not enough to make up for the significant loss. Our doctor told me it was time to supplement with formula. There is was, that word. Just days shy of my short-term goal for Charlie to be exclusively breastfed for at least 6 months.

My first thought was 'It isn't so bad'. He'd only be getting about 3 oz a day/ 5 days a week. I'd still breastfeed when we were together. Then I started to get mad. There had to be another way. I'd resolved not to give Charlie formula. I'd make another way. I'll break my 'No Facebook for Lent' pledge to get donor milk, if I have to. For now, I'm working on increasing my supply and stretching with rice cereal mixed with my milk. I know a lot of Mom's don't like to give rice cereal but in my case it's the lesser of two evils. At least with the cereal it's organic and I can pronounce all of the ingredients, of which there are only three. Besides, Charlie is starting to show signs of being ready to start solid foods. It's funny feeding him because everything distracts him. The dog, sister, a noise he hears outside but once he spots the bowl, his eyes stay locked. Then when the spoon comes into view he reaches out to grab my hand and 'help'. Hopefully, the additional calories will add up to additional ounces and not more problems than they are worth.

Re-normalize breastfeeding: A reluctant lactavists' POV

Original post from: http://sparkiesbellyblog.blogspot.com/2010/05/re-normalize-breastfeeding-reluctant.html

Truth be told, I've said it. 'I don't mind a woman breastfeeding in public, but she should cover up'. What changed my mind? Was is becoming a mother myself? Actually, it was a perfect storm of events that changed my view. The controversy over a woman's right to breastfeed in public captured my interest due to its civic nature. It wasn't until reading a comment by a mother who was clearly pro-breastfeeding that I changed my tune. The comment basically berated women who formula fed their babies and called into question their devotion to parenting and desire to give their children the best. I thought to myself "How dare that woman judge people she doesn't even know!? She probably never struggled with breastfeeding and isn't considering that not everyone can stay home with their babies to nurse them all day!" It turned me off completely to the 'lactavist cause', until I considered my own views on breastfeeding. I realized I had been judging mother's just as harshly for their decisions without really knowing why they'd made those decisions in the first place or why I felt the way I did. What was it about breastfeeding that made me so uncomfortable?

Shortly there after, I found out I was expecting my second child. I researched breastfeeding and found that not only is breast milk far superior to formula, there are also numerous resources for women who experience difficulties breastfeeding. Resources I knew nothing about when I was struggling to breastfeed my daughter 12 years ago. I was a single, working, young mother. The stigma for mothers like me, is that we are not as good as parents who are not young, not working and not single and its a tough one to fight. So when I struggled with breastfeeding, it became one more thing that I was not good enough to do. A couple of months in, I switched to formula. The pediatric nurses gave me dirty looks. The nurse at the WIC office gave me a dirty look. What no one gave me was advice. I took on the attitude that I hated breastfeeding. Who wants to be a walking buffet anyway? The sore, swollen, veiny breasts. The leaking and pumping. Forget it, not me. My baby was happier and I was happier, so to hell with the nurses and anyone else who had anything nasty to say to me. Right?

Looking back, I didn't hate breastfeeding. What I hated was the constant crying. I hated the woman that I worked with who constantly complained about how long and how often I was in the bathroom pumping. I hated pumping with my cheap K-Mart pump. I hated feeling like I had no idea what I was doing. How could I not have this figured out? I grew up around babies. I've known since I was 10 how to change a diaper. I babysat my brother and sister and cousins. Despite that fact, I don't ever remember seeing a woman nurse her baby. This never struck me as odd, until a very frank discussion about breastfeeding with an unexpected supporter. My boss is a man in his 60's. He is also, I'm convinced, enthralled with all things having to do with reproduction, from pregnancy, to child birth, to infancy. It's sort of charming really, his wide-eyed wonderment of it all. To him, there's nothing gross or sexual or inappropriate about any of it. He openly discusses his wife's pregnancies and the deliveries of his children and his daughter's struggles to breastfeed. Most employers would not even dare to utter the word 'breast' regardless of it's intended context. My boss however; shared with me how strange it is to see women bottle-feeding as this was not the common practice when he was a boy, growing up in the south. How can this be? Where women less modest in those days? Highly doubtful, looking at the bathing suit trends of the time, in comparison to the trends of today. So what happened? How did bottle feeding become the norm?

Science had been working on ways of creating breast milk substitutes since around the 1860's. During World War 2, women were joining the work force and by the 1950's, more than half the babies in the US were on some type of formula. Fortunately, the pendulum swings both ways. Since the 1970's, more women have been choosing breast over bottle. Sadly, the biggest obstacles they face are an uneducated public. Even mother's who breastfed can be heard saying things like 'I don't want my kids to see that!' Which begs the question, 'Why not?' Children are wonderfully curious little buggers aren't they? I suppose that the sight of a nursing mother might cause them to ask 'Mom, what is that lady doing?' If Mother's response is as simple as 'Feeding her baby,' I imagine that child might go through life thinking of breastfeeding as a natural, normal thing to do. If the Mother's response is that of shock and horror at 'the nerve of that woman showing her naked breast to the whole world', I suppose that child might go through life thinking of breasts as purely sexual organs. Which is a healthier view?

Some other 'interesting' comments:

"I don't need to see a woman whip her tit out."
There are numerous variations to this comment. 'My kids don't need to see...', '...boob...', '...milk-tits...', etc. Where did this notion that breastfeeding mothers are 'whipping' their their breasts about come from? I'm not even nursing yet and the thought of whipping my swollen, sore boob around is painful enough. The majority of the women that are nursing in public, simply adjust a couple articles of clothing in order to provide access for their babies.

"I have a teenage son with hormones who can't help but stare." 
This is as valid as the 'I have PMS, so I'm not responsible for killing my husband' defense. The fact that a young man has hormonal drives does not mean a complete lack of control or of personal responsibility. Besides, my guess is your teenage son is masturbating to a Victoria Secret catalog, not an issue of Mothering.

"I don't want to see people peeing in public either."
No, no one appreciates seeing someone pee in public. In fact, its so unappreciated, its illegal. Breastfeeding however is not. While both are necessary bodily functions, the trouble with urinating in public is there's no receptacle. Typically, the urine is flowing onto a sign post or a tree. Breast milk has an intended destination and is not likely to even be seen by anyone else.

"It's a bodily fluid, what if it gets in my food?!"
At some point in time were nursing mother's walking around topless, singing a rendition of 'Do your boobs hang low?' and squirting onlookers in the eyes with breast milk? They're breasts, not squirt guns! Rest assured no one is going to waste a drop of such a valuable commodity to squirt you, your food or anything in your general vicinity.

"Feeding the baby isn't the part that is offensive, it's the display."
Again, where are these women with their lactating breasts swinging to and fro for all of the US to see? Certainly, we are proud of our breasts but not because of how they look but for what they can do. Typically, the breast that is on 'display' is not that of a lactating mother. The breast is more likely to belong to a woman with large implants or perhaps a shirt that is 2 sizes too small or a bikini top. Breasts are beautiful. I don't blame anyone for looking but if a peek is what you seek, flip through a magazine. Those women want you to look and there's no shortage so for those that are so inclined, there's no need to resort to desperate measures.

"What's wrong with covering up?" 
This seems like such a simple request, how could we not oblige? Some infants are just fine covered up but once a baby reaches the age were swaddling is no longer comforting but constraining, there's simply no telling where those chubby little arms will swing. Some babies don't like to be covered up. Not to mention, if you saw a woman with a blanket over her and an infant, isn't that more obvious than if she is simply holding an infant? I actually had one toddler pull the blanket off. Not to be rude, she simply wanted to see the baby. She saw no more of me than she would've had she left the blanket on. Her curiosity satisfied, she went on about her business and worried very little about what was going on.

"Wouldn't you prefer to do that some place private, like the bathroom?"
There are a number of things I prefer to do in private, pooping and peeing being two of them. The bathroom is the perfect venue for these activities. It is not however; a place to breastfeed. It makes no more sense to nurse in a bathroom than it would to pee in a kitchen. That simply is not the intended function of that room. Likewise, I would never expect anyone else to eat their meal in the bathroom, why should I expect an infant to? Breastfeeding is something that I (personally) would prefer to do in private however; the AAP recommends that infants be exclusively breastfed for 6 months. Six months is a long time to stay home because you don't want to risk going out in public and have the baby wake up early and hungry.

"I don't feel sorry for anyone who is too lazy to pump. That's what I did."
I don't feel sorry for anyone who's never made if far enough out of their own mind to see that there is a whole big world out there with more people than just you in it. Pumping quite simply is not an option for every woman nor are bottles an option for every baby.

Don't get me wrong, I absolutely respect a person's right to their opinions and feelings. The sight of a woman nursing in public may simply make them uncomfortable for reasons they cannot articulate. It probably has more to do with the act being seen so little, than any of the reasons above. The fact still remains that, in most states, a woman has the right to breastfeed her infant in any place she and the child are otherwise authorized to be, irrespective of how much or how little of her breast maybe showing at the time. The importance of normalizing the practice has less to do with legality (since our rights are already protected) and more to do with supporting mothers who are trying to do the best they can for their babies. Mother's face a mountain of challenges. Balancing on a toilet seat in dirty public restroom with a baby in her arm and fussing with an nursing cover should not be one of them.

The most intimate view of me feeding Charlie and not a nipple in sight.

An open letter to Facebook users and admins....

OK, Facebook Admins, I get it. There's some programing algorithm, far too complex for my sleep deprived mind, that monitors how many times a particular page has been reported and after 'x' number of times the page gets slated for deactivation. However; in the case of one of my favorite pages The Leaky B@@b, I urge you to reconsider. Why should Facebook grant The Leaky B@@b clemency? Let me tell you.

Upon finding out I was pregnant with baby number 2, I ravenously read every piece of information about pregnancy, childbirth, vaccinations, and breastfeeding in preparation for Charlie's arrival. In particular, breastfeeding, I learned is, was and always will be the hands-down, bar-none, best way to feed a baby...period. I also stumbled across a wonderfully warm and supportive community of like-minded Mommies. A community I wished I'd had 12 years ago when I gave up breastfeeding my first child after only two months. A place where success is sometimes measured in ounces or milliliters; sometimes in days, months and even years.

Charlie arrived and it seemed I had forgotten how difficult those first few weeks can be. My nipples were blistered and bled. Charlie was nursing sometimes every half hour, sometimes for three or four hours at a time. Who could I reach out to at three o'clock in the morning while the rest of the world slumbered? My Leakies. Somewhere in the world, there was another mother going through the exact same thing. Everywhere there were mother's who'd gone through the exact same thing and come out the other side with most of their sanity intact and willing to give encouragement to their Leaky sisters. Through nipple pain, engorgement, under-supply, over-supply, milk-blisters, reflux and even worries about what color my son's poop should be, there have been Leaky sisters at the ready to offer support, advice and more than a few laughs. We share lactation cookie recipes, anecdotes about our nurslings and most importantly our triumphs and sometimes, our heartbreaks.

The Leaky B@@b Facebook page was a refuge for women who were tired, lacked support in their real world communities and sometimes just needed a break. It was a resource for mother's looking for words of wisdom from those who came before them. It promotes making the healthiest choice for feeding our children from the start. Nothing obscene or hateful about that. If Facebook is supposed to be about connectivity and sharing, then TLB epitomized those ideals.

Leakies are not naive about those who might view the page and it's contents for other, less wholesome reasons. If anything we are more keenly aware of the existence of these types of individuals. We don't need any more protection from them, than we do going out into the real world. There's nothing indecent about the photos or information we share, frankly I've seen more cleavage on the Victoria Secret fan page. And yes, I am a fan of that page as well, because I'm aware that I can be both a lover and a mother; both sexy and nurturing. Where'd you think all these babies came from?

We, The Leakies, respectfully request that The Leaky B@@b Facebook page be reinstated. Furthermore, we ask that Facebook community members stop reporting the page. The content is what is normal and natural for mothers and babies and has been the world over, since man's beginning. Thank you.

Respectfully,

Kirstin A- Leaky for 13 weeks and counting....