 |
| Exhibit A |
Friday, January 28, 2011
4 months
Holy Moses! It almost snuck up on me. This week Charlie is four months old! He's learned a bevy of new tricks, none of which I have been the first to see. Dad has, to date, been the first to see him smile, hear him laugh and last night, witness him roll over from front to back. Oh well, I guess it makes up for the fact that Daddy doesn't lactate! His status now as a 4 month old means lots of people will be asking "Have you started him on solid foods yet?" *Enormous sigh* No, Charlie hasn't started solids and I'm not sure even now if we are quite ready. Once, when he was about 9 weeks old, in a moment of weakness, I tried giving him rice cereal. It didn't help him sleep any better and we gave it up. He pushed more of it out of his mouth than he swallowed, so clearly he was not ready. There's a ton of information out about why starting solids too early is a bad thing, but what's too early? I read a cereal box that said if your baby is a 'supported sitter' and leans into the spoon with an open mouth, he might be ready. Really? Have you seen this kid? He leans into everything with an open mouth. Just last night he was grabbing fist fulls of Dad's hair and putting it in his mouth (see exhibit A). I'm not sure that's a good indicator. I read somewhere else, to wait until your baby 'shows interest'. What constitutes interest? When we eat, Charlie watches us like a starving mutt. Does that qualify as 'interest'? I don't know. Micha cannot wait to start feeding Charlie solids. In fact, he gives Charlie little finger dabs of whatever he might be eating to see what faces he makes. I want to say, "Don't be in such a big hurry. He'll be big enough for that before you know it and then you'll wonder where the time went." I don't say it though, because this is his first and he has to figure it out the same way everyone else does, by winging it and praying that the therapy won't be too expensive.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
You what?!
We cloth diaper. Yup. We've been CD'ing for a couple of weeks and I have to say things are going pretty well. At first, I thought the idea was crazy. Of course I care about my environmental impact but not enough to deal with that! But then I started reading about how easy it can be and, to be perfectly honest, the dipes have the cutest patterns on them! I felt pretty certain that Micha would go into convulsions if he had to change the old prefolds and covers, so I went with the all-in-one style diapers. Even our sitter has commented on how surprisingly easy cloth is! Here's how we went from disposables to cloth without anyone puking/passing out or having a general meltdown.
Try different kinds. I went to a specialty store called Happybottomus and spent way to long with the diapers. I felt the lining, examined the inserts, snapped, unsnapped, velcroed, unvelcroed(?) and basically coped a feel of every diaper brand and style they had. I decided to buy a couple different styles to take home and test drive. I chose the brands based on reviews from other parents. There are a number of on-line sources for cloth diapering info.
The test-drive. Ok, so this is where I made my first mistake. I threw the (new) diapers in the wash with a load of Charlie's clothes. I figured they didn't need to be rinsed and washed and rinsed, ad nauseum according to the instructions before we actually used them. Wrong! Cloth diapers actually get more absorbent the more you wash them. I found this out the hard way when, while co-sleeping, the first diaper leaked all over the place. The first, most important step in cloth diapering is to 'prep' the dipes. Cold rinse, hot wash, cold rinse, cold rinse. Fortunately, I have a brand new washing machine (here after referred to as the Magic Machine) that has a sanitize cycle on it so it's already programmed to do this (See? Magic!) The inserts can be dried on medium and the covers should be hung to dry. Once I got this part figured out the diapers worked out great.
The investment. All-in-one cloth diapers can be expensive to get into. I figured 24 diapers was a safe estimate for how many we'd need. At $15 and up for new, Charlie would be potty trained before I had enough diapers to CD full-time. To make it easier on our pocketbooks to get started, I looked for second-hand diapers. Craigslist and diaper swaps are a great place to start. Also, we were gifted a couple by my Mom for Christmas. Ultimately, I wound up finding a lot of 24 new Sunbaby diapers on ebay for $120. They are made in China but so is everything else, so what the hell. I actually really like them. They fit a lot trimmer than some of the other one-size-fits-all diapers but they are smaller, so it's possible we'll need a bigger size down the road. Either way, it's worth it to never spend another penny on disposables again, even when we decide to have another baby!
The ick factor. There is none. Ok, there is some but seriously, who escapes parenthood without getting a little poop on them? People who can afford nannies, that's who and sometimes not even then. Honestly though, changing cloth diapers is no different than disposables. Instead of the poopie diaper going into the diaper genie-esque thing next to the changing table, it goes into a cheap, plastic waste basket, or in the case of our daycare provider, a wet bag (a pretty place to put poo). Every other day, I do a load of diapers. I take the wet bag and the diaper pail to the Magic Machine, pull out all the inserts, and put the covers, inserts and wet bag all in together. I use Charlie's Soap and hit start and viola; poopie, stinky diapers go in, clean, fresh smelling diapers come out (again, by magic). Now in the interest of full disclosure, this system works so long as Charlie is exclusively breastfed. Once he starts solids, we'll have to knock the poo into the loo but I think we'll invest in a bidet sprayer when the time comes.
The benefits.
Try different kinds. I went to a specialty store called Happybottomus and spent way to long with the diapers. I felt the lining, examined the inserts, snapped, unsnapped, velcroed, unvelcroed(?) and basically coped a feel of every diaper brand and style they had. I decided to buy a couple different styles to take home and test drive. I chose the brands based on reviews from other parents. There are a number of on-line sources for cloth diapering info.
The test-drive. Ok, so this is where I made my first mistake. I threw the (new) diapers in the wash with a load of Charlie's clothes. I figured they didn't need to be rinsed and washed and rinsed, ad nauseum according to the instructions before we actually used them. Wrong! Cloth diapers actually get more absorbent the more you wash them. I found this out the hard way when, while co-sleeping, the first diaper leaked all over the place. The first, most important step in cloth diapering is to 'prep' the dipes. Cold rinse, hot wash, cold rinse, cold rinse. Fortunately, I have a brand new washing machine (here after referred to as the Magic Machine) that has a sanitize cycle on it so it's already programmed to do this (See? Magic!) The inserts can be dried on medium and the covers should be hung to dry. Once I got this part figured out the diapers worked out great.
The investment. All-in-one cloth diapers can be expensive to get into. I figured 24 diapers was a safe estimate for how many we'd need. At $15 and up for new, Charlie would be potty trained before I had enough diapers to CD full-time. To make it easier on our pocketbooks to get started, I looked for second-hand diapers. Craigslist and diaper swaps are a great place to start. Also, we were gifted a couple by my Mom for Christmas. Ultimately, I wound up finding a lot of 24 new Sunbaby diapers on ebay for $120. They are made in China but so is everything else, so what the hell. I actually really like them. They fit a lot trimmer than some of the other one-size-fits-all diapers but they are smaller, so it's possible we'll need a bigger size down the road. Either way, it's worth it to never spend another penny on disposables again, even when we decide to have another baby!
The ick factor. There is none. Ok, there is some but seriously, who escapes parenthood without getting a little poop on them? People who can afford nannies, that's who and sometimes not even then. Honestly though, changing cloth diapers is no different than disposables. Instead of the poopie diaper going into the diaper genie-esque thing next to the changing table, it goes into a cheap, plastic waste basket, or in the case of our daycare provider, a wet bag (a pretty place to put poo). Every other day, I do a load of diapers. I take the wet bag and the diaper pail to the Magic Machine, pull out all the inserts, and put the covers, inserts and wet bag all in together. I use Charlie's Soap and hit start and viola; poopie, stinky diapers go in, clean, fresh smelling diapers come out (again, by magic). Now in the interest of full disclosure, this system works so long as Charlie is exclusively breastfed. Once he starts solids, we'll have to knock the poo into the loo but I think we'll invest in a bidet sprayer when the time comes.
The benefits.
We never have to spend another penny on disposable diapers again! This will literally save us thousands of dollars. - Cloth diapers are so much more adorable than disposables! I don't care if your baby does poo in blue, my baby has tropical print all over his fluffy little bummie!
- There are no icky chemicals in cloth diapers!
- Last but not least, we aren't contributing to the already overflowing landfills with diapers that take 450 years to biodegrade and contaminate our ground water with chemicals and solid waste.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Surprise!
For the sake of not sounding like a whining hag, I'm going to tell this story but it comes with a disclosure. You may, after reading this, be seething with jealousy. All I can say is: Na-na, na boo-boo.
Micha and I celebrate our anniversary on New Years' Eve and this year he insisted that he had something really special planned. He refused to tell me what it was. Now it isn't that I don't love surprises, especially his, but this sort of thing makes me crazy because I need to know what to wear! After a few weeks of badgering him with questions about what these big, super-secret plans were, I was sure I knew what we were going to do.
When I was pregnant with Charlie, 37 weeks in fact, Micha's friend won tickets to see Alice in Chains. He asked me if he could go, to which I answered yes. I wasn't worried about going into labor as much as I was bummed that I wasn't getting to go. My consolation prize: Micha agreed to go to a drag show with me.
Micha and I celebrate our anniversary on New Years' Eve and this year he insisted that he had something really special planned. He refused to tell me what it was. Now it isn't that I don't love surprises, especially his, but this sort of thing makes me crazy because I need to know what to wear! After a few weeks of badgering him with questions about what these big, super-secret plans were, I was sure I knew what we were going to do.
~~~~~flashback~~~~~
When I was pregnant with Charlie, 37 weeks in fact, Micha's friend won tickets to see Alice in Chains. He asked me if he could go, to which I answered yes. I wasn't worried about going into labor as much as I was bummed that I wasn't getting to go. My consolation prize: Micha agreed to go to a drag show with me.
~~~~~flashforward~~~~~
The big, super-secret surprise was actually planned for the night before New Years Eve, so after work and no less than an hour agonizing over accessories, I raced home to primp for my big date. I was certain that we were going to dinner in the city and then to a drag show. I was so excited plus, I love to play dress up! All dolled up and ready to go we set out in the Town Car into the city. Then, out of nowhere, Micha exited off the interstate way too early. I wracked my brain for an idea of where on Earth we were going but came up blank. 'There isn't a thing out here,' I thought. We passed a bar called Lumpy's but I was pretty sure I was overdressed for that. Finally, he hands me a card. Inside is a gift certificate for....
I've known for some time now that Micha is the person that I want to get old and senile with and I've known for some time now that he feels the same way. Marriage, though, was just not something I was ever interested in. Micha's gifts are always what I least expect and never knew I wanted. A plane ride over the Country Club Plaza!!!!OMG! Way cooler than a drag show! I've always wanted to see the Plaza lights at Christmas time. Bob was our pilot and did nothing to calm any nerves we might have had about flying in 50 mph winds in a little four seater! The lights were amazing! And not just the Plaza light, the view of the whole city with Christmas lights, street lamps and cars was...amazing! I got to see it all from 2,500 feet. Once we'd made our way over the downtown and Country Club Plaza areas, Micha asked our pilot if we got a souvenier of any kind, "Maybe these head sets?" he asked. Bob handed me a small package wrapped in tissue paper and tied with a ribbon. He'd said earlier that the burned out bulbs were hand-painted and sold as gifts, so I was hoping for one of those. It was just a candle, but tied to the ribbon was a ring. Yup. Twenty five thousand feet in the air above Kansas City, Micha asked me to be his wife.
 | ||
| No idea what is about to happen... |
 |
| Holy Crap! I'm engaged!!! |
The Whole Truth
I've gone back an forth about writing this post. In fact, I wrote about it when I was pregnant with Charlie but deleted the post. The decision was and still is such a deeply personal matter, that I wasn't sure making it public knowledge was appropriate. I also worried about protecting Charlie's privacy but yesterday I watched a documentary by a Jewish film maker and once again felt compelled to do something. This is why I chose to keep my son whole. My desire is simply to let people know there is a choice and there is information available on that choice regardless of which way parents decide. I am not passing judgment.
Circumcision terrifies me. It was scarier to me than raising a child alone. When I was pregnant with Mumbles my sonogram was an emergency so I didn't get to find out if I was having a boy or a girl. For the next four and half months I was petrified that my baby was a boy and that he would have to be circumcised. I can stomach a lot of things but the idea of a baby bleeding makes me ill. I worried about keeping it from getting infected. A newborn's diaper is not exactly a sterile environment. Luckily, my first was a beautiful girl. When I became pregnant with Charlie, from the very beginning I knew in my heart I was having a boy. If circumcision was on the table, I was going to find out everything I could.
A brief history
Circumcision, in the Judea-Christian world, began with Abraham. It was an act that honored a covenant with God. In the 1800's, circumcision was purposed as a cure for a variety of ills from bedwetting and masturbation (seen then as a disease) to spinal paralysis and epilepsy. Throughout the 1900's, there were a variety of medical 'reasons' to circumcise put forward, though none of them have withstood time or scientific testing. Despite nearly all of these claims being disproved, the practice continued to become more common in the U.S. leading to the development and implementation of specialized tools.
These are just a couple of the tools on the market today.
A more modern take
In the 1970's, people started questioning the practice of routinely circumcising infant boys. No other country in the world had implemented this practice. At this point circumcision rates in the US were more than 75% but less than 25% in the rest of the world. Since claims that circumcision was cure for anything had been debunked, advocates turned to prevention. Assertions were made that circumcision prevented cancer, urinary tract infections and STDs. But in 1971, the American Academy of Pediatrics warned that there weren't any valid medical reasons to circumcise infant boys. They would later reverse this statement only to then leave it up to parents discretion. Even renowned childcare expert Dr. Spock in 1976 revised his book Baby and Child Care stating that if he'd had his son today('76), he'd "leave his penis alone." He'd previously recommended the routine circumcision of newborn males.
When it comes right down to it
With so much conflicting information, how do parents make an educated decision. I think it boils down to taking the information that is available and deciding what feels true. Our truths:
The decision to keep our son whole was not one we took lightly. We did a lot of research and even more soul searching. Below are some places where I found information and support but ultimately we made our choice based on our own feelings about how we wanted to honor our son's entrance into the world.
Peaceful Parenting
Woman Uncensored
Woman-Uncensored on Facebook
NOCIRC
Circumcison Resource Center
Circumcision Trauma
*this video is graphic
SavingOurSons
Doctors Opposing Circumcision
Circumcision terrifies me. It was scarier to me than raising a child alone. When I was pregnant with Mumbles my sonogram was an emergency so I didn't get to find out if I was having a boy or a girl. For the next four and half months I was petrified that my baby was a boy and that he would have to be circumcised. I can stomach a lot of things but the idea of a baby bleeding makes me ill. I worried about keeping it from getting infected. A newborn's diaper is not exactly a sterile environment. Luckily, my first was a beautiful girl. When I became pregnant with Charlie, from the very beginning I knew in my heart I was having a boy. If circumcision was on the table, I was going to find out everything I could.
A brief history
Circumcision, in the Judea-Christian world, began with Abraham. It was an act that honored a covenant with God. In the 1800's, circumcision was purposed as a cure for a variety of ills from bedwetting and masturbation (seen then as a disease) to spinal paralysis and epilepsy. Throughout the 1900's, there were a variety of medical 'reasons' to circumcise put forward, though none of them have withstood time or scientific testing. Despite nearly all of these claims being disproved, the practice continued to become more common in the U.S. leading to the development and implementation of specialized tools.
 |
These are just a couple of the tools on the market today.
A more modern take
In the 1970's, people started questioning the practice of routinely circumcising infant boys. No other country in the world had implemented this practice. At this point circumcision rates in the US were more than 75% but less than 25% in the rest of the world. Since claims that circumcision was cure for anything had been debunked, advocates turned to prevention. Assertions were made that circumcision prevented cancer, urinary tract infections and STDs. But in 1971, the American Academy of Pediatrics warned that there weren't any valid medical reasons to circumcise infant boys. They would later reverse this statement only to then leave it up to parents discretion. Even renowned childcare expert Dr. Spock in 1976 revised his book Baby and Child Care stating that if he'd had his son today('76), he'd "leave his penis alone." He'd previously recommended the routine circumcision of newborn males.
When it comes right down to it
With so much conflicting information, how do parents make an educated decision. I think it boils down to taking the information that is available and deciding what feels true. Our truths:
- No medical organization in the world recommends the routine circumcision of infants (male or female).
- Studies in which circumcision it purposed as preventative are anecdotal at best. There is no definitive research that proves circumcision prevents against HIV/AIDS, cancer or urinary tract infections. It is irresponsible to assert that circumcision is a 'vaccine' for HIV when abstinence and condoms are the only known ways to prevent contraction of the virus.
- It is not 'cleaner'. Besides, our hands get dirty and are responsible for the transmission of far more diseases/bacteria/parasites/etc than foreskins but we don't cut those off. We wash them.
- Circumcision is a quick way to make a couple hundred dollars. There's also a market for the amputated foreskins in the, wait for it, cosmetics industry. So yeah, I have a serious problem with doctors, hospitals and companies profiting by using my son's foreskin to keep vain people from getting wrinkles.
- Without medical indication, circumcision is a cosmetic procedure that permanently alters the look and function of the penis. I have no right to make a decision of this nature about anybody else's body but my own. I would not consent to breast augmentation for my newborn girl, why would I consent to circumcision? Everyone has a right to genital integrity.
- We are not Jewish. We aren't even practicing Christians but I know that entry to heaven is not based on deed. I feel that God creates us in his perfect image, and we cannot improve upon that by removing perfectly healthy tissue.
- The rate of serious complication from circumcision is estimated between 2%-10%. These complications include but are not limited to scarring, excessive blood loss, impotence, and death. Why would I risk even a 10% chance for a procedure that there is no medical indication for? If you consider that by removing the foreskin and prepuce, tens of thousands of nerve endings have been removed as well as a functioning part of the penis, then the complication rate is 100%.
- Finally, I watched a video of a circumcision. The only word to describe it is horrifying. Probably the single most compelling truth for me. Anybody who says a newborn doesn't feel pain is either lying or stupid. I know many hospitals/doctors use anesthesia but how do you suppose they administer that anesthesia? By inserting a needle near the base of the penis. How many guys do you know think a shot in the junk doesn't sound excruciating? That is not the way I wanted to welcome my son Earth side.
The decision to keep our son whole was not one we took lightly. We did a lot of research and even more soul searching. Below are some places where I found information and support but ultimately we made our choice based on our own feelings about how we wanted to honor our son's entrance into the world.
Peaceful Parenting
Woman Uncensored
Woman-Uncensored on Facebook
NOCIRC
Circumcison Resource Center
Circumcision Trauma
*this video is graphic
SavingOurSons
Doctors Opposing Circumcision
Friday, January 14, 2011
To all the slacks I've loved before...
Maybe it's the 'nice' letter I received from the IRS yesterday, or the fact that my day started at 2:45 in the morning or that it's payday and therefore also bill day, but I am in a foul mood. This morning, as I was trying desperately to scrub spit up out of my only clean pair of pants that fit, I lamented the numerous articles of perfectly good, spit up free clothing hanging in my closet. Clothes that haven't seen daylight in nearly a year. Neglected clothes. Oh, how I miss my clothes! My beautiful slacks from Banana Republic that I got such a great deal on and feel as though they were made out of silk. The stylish heels that won't look good with cargo pants. My knit tops that showed off my flat tummy and small waist. My fun shirts that I never gave a second thought about being able to discretely pull out the goods before putting on. The strapless, brocade, mid-thigh length, dress; The Little Black Dress, that looks just like something Reese Witherspoon might wear on the red carpet, that I paid $10.00 for. My '$50.00-Boob-Job-Bras' that are hanging, untouched, on the back of the bathroom door. I think of the hours I spent carefully combing sale racks and thoughtfully picking out only those pieces with classic tailoring, quality stitching and materials. I think of the care I took to follow the washing instructions to the letter so my garments would last me season after season. Is it ridiculous to be so attached to my clothing? Absolutely. Do I care? No. I love my clothes. I miss my clothes.
Micha has suggested buying a few new things. This is like telling someone who as just lost their beloved dog of the last 15 years to buy a new puppy. If, God forbid, my house burnt down and I lost all my clothes, I'd have a memorial service for them. Is it healthy to be this attached to my clothes? Probably not. Do I care? No. I miss my clothes. Occasionally, I pull things on, as far as they will go without pulling the seams, to remember how good I feel in them. A pair of slacks I wore to an interview because they make me feel confident, the dress I wore on a date because it makes me feel sexy, the top I wore to a concert because it made me feel like a Rock Star. Don't get me wrong, I'd feel like a confident and sexy Rock Star if I was playing Guitar Hero in a burlap sack. It's sort of like a sundae that has fudge and whip cream and a cherry versus a sundae that just has fudge. The latter is still a sundae, technically, but the one with whip cream and a cherry is a sundae! My clothes are the whipped cream with a cherry on top. I miss my clothes.
Micha has suggested buying a few new things. This is like telling someone who as just lost their beloved dog of the last 15 years to buy a new puppy. If, God forbid, my house burnt down and I lost all my clothes, I'd have a memorial service for them. Is it healthy to be this attached to my clothes? Probably not. Do I care? No. I miss my clothes. Occasionally, I pull things on, as far as they will go without pulling the seams, to remember how good I feel in them. A pair of slacks I wore to an interview because they make me feel confident, the dress I wore on a date because it makes me feel sexy, the top I wore to a concert because it made me feel like a Rock Star. Don't get me wrong, I'd feel like a confident and sexy Rock Star if I was playing Guitar Hero in a burlap sack. It's sort of like a sundae that has fudge and whip cream and a cherry versus a sundae that just has fudge. The latter is still a sundae, technically, but the one with whip cream and a cherry is a sundae! My clothes are the whipped cream with a cherry on top. I miss my clothes.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
'Tween Scene
Hol...y Crap! Last night Mumbles let me have it. Apparently, volleyball is a big damn deal.We'd just finished up dinner and she started talking about how she didn't think she was going to be able to play volleyball next year because everyone else has already been playing and they are all really good. She went on to say that if she didn't play in middle school she'd never get to play in high school which, mind you, is two and half years away. I told her it wasn't a big deal. Nobody knows how to play in 7th grade and it's more about learning the game and having fun than about being awesome at it. "Not here! I told you, I wanted to play and you did nothing! It's like you're ignoring me!" she said, her eyes welling up. 'You're ignoring me.' Those words cut me. I'd worried about this happening since the day I found out I was pregnant with Charlie. She never had to share me before. She was the baby of the family and my only baby and now suddenly, she wasn't. It was all I could do to get through the rest of the conversation with her without being overcome with tears of my own.
The next day I asked her if, now that she had time to sleep on it, she still felt the same way or if she was maybe tired or having a bad day. She admitted that she was tired and did have a rough day and that might have had something to do with her mood the previous evening. I told Mumbles that I never want her to feel like I am ignoring her. Yes, her brother needs a lot of attention and yes, I forget stuff all. the. time. But, I'm never ignoring her and if she felt like I was, not to wait until she has a meltdown to say something.
I miss kindergarten when all it took to be cool was sending 'pupcakes' to school!
The next day I asked her if, now that she had time to sleep on it, she still felt the same way or if she was maybe tired or having a bad day. She admitted that she was tired and did have a rough day and that might have had something to do with her mood the previous evening. I told Mumbles that I never want her to feel like I am ignoring her. Yes, her brother needs a lot of attention and yes, I forget stuff all. the. time. But, I'm never ignoring her and if she felt like I was, not to wait until she has a meltdown to say something.
I miss kindergarten when all it took to be cool was sending 'pupcakes' to school!
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